my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Randomize
