I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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