I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
I'm determined to sit on that face.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
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