Im at strip club and am horny
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
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