I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize
