rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
