I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Randomize
