I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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