she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
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