I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
