I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
It's like God shit irony all over that family
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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