don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
