Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
