This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
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