After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
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