just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
