I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
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