I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
