how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Randomize
