did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
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