I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
