If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
