how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
