I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Randomize
