i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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