What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
I want you more than these girls want KFC
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Randomize
