Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
