he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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