its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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