ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
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