all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Randomize
