Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
Randomize
