Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
Randomize
