We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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