According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Randomize
