I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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