I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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