When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
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