It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
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