You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Randomize
