i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Randomize
