my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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