That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Randomize
