Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
