two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Randomize
