I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
