You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
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