I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
