I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
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