I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
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