I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize
