theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Randomize
