you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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