My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
