i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
I just had sex on a roof
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
