He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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