you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
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