Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
But i did once see a show where a women was homeless and installed a stove in a school bus so she and her baby could live there since all the seats were taken out. As far as being homeless goes it didn't look half bad...So this is me promising to you that if i ever am living in an abandoned school bus...i will at least pimp it out with a stove so you can come over for dinner sometimes
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Randomize
