but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
