just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
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