You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Randomize
