I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize