who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
Randomize
