We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Randomize
