Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
