I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize