We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize