how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
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