Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
Randomize
