D3 body, D1 cock
Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
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