He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
