I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
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