My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
