I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
she peed on how many people?
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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