i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize
