just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Randomize
