No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
