as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Randomize
