alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
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