Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
