So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
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I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
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Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.