I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.