direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
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she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
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We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.