My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
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I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
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as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy