She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
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