Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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