It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
