if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
