My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
My Higher Power is John Stamos
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
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